WHAT I MISS

WHAT I MISS?

 

I do miss the way you make me smile, with your jokes, compliments, sweet words and crazy things you do for me. All the thoughts you told me that would make me feel special, cared and loved. I do miss the way you piss me off. Yeah you did made me feel bad, mad for a moment. But I’m glad how you say sorry by the end of every badass arguments we had. How you cry just for me to forgive you, how you never stop saying my name, saying how sorry you are. I miss those times you comfort me, support me whenever I share my problems, how you cheer me yup telling me “Common’ thing’s will be okay soon, don’t feel bad na.” I miss you calling me every single night to ask how my day was. Think of every topic we can talked about and make us both realise that it’s already 5 o’clock in the morning but still keep the conversation going. I miss how you get so cute every time you get jealous, makes me laugh. I miss how you keep saying “I love you”. Tho at the back of my head, I always tell myself “Don’t he think it’s too fast nor too early for him to conclude that he do really love me?” I miss how you tell me why you love me, ask me if I do love you back. But I keep telling you “I don’t know?” Tho I know myself that I also do love you.

 

If you could only read this, I just want you to know that I was just afraid to love that time, thinking I’m not yet ready. Not because I’m not allowed but thinking about how it would work, because I got no idea how such even works? Thinking about the consequences I should consider, how I’m gonna deal with it, how were gonna deal with it if such comes our way. And a lot of things, probably I do think too much. But that’s how I am and you know me, right? I carefully think of stuff for me to be sure of what I want, what I need to do or what  supposed to do, I don’t just think just to make things right but for things to work out just fine. Lastly, what I’m afraid of that time? Is to get hurt, I wasn’t ready for such kind of hurt. I’ve been through a lot, all types of hurt probably? But not such hurt I might get from someone really special, someone I love differently compared to the family, friends I love. How it would affect me, you, everyone around me. But you know what, I’ve been ready suddenly…and that time I suddenly wanted it, you suddenly gave up on me. I won’t blame you, you just did what you wanted to do. You’ve got freedom. Regrets? I got no regrets because I knew it happened for a reason, and it did. I’m glad it happened because it did something good for the both of us. But I won’t lie that I still do miss you, ‘cause I do miss you. It’s just that, not the way I used to miss you. Or probably it’s not exactly YOU that I miss?

It’s how YOU MADE ME FEEL way back before.

Yeah that’s what I miss.